The Legend of Zelda: Square One
by XietyDiety
Summary: Skyward Sword was the very beginning? That is BS at its finest. Not really, but if it were, this is the way I think the very first Link graced the earth with his dazzling presence. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is sarcasm at its finest. R&R, OCs.
1. The Intro

**(Updated 22/12/2011, because of errors and such.)  
><strong>**Hello, and welcome to The REAL Legend of Zelda. I am XietyDiety and this is my first story on fanfic, but certainly not the last! For all of my stories there are two authors. There's Xiety (me), and Diety (my helful co-worker). I am the mastermind behind ****the storyline and put it all down while Diety does all of the editing and revising, though often Diety co-writes the story as well.**

**Disclaimer: The LoZ, and all of its characters, does NOT belong to me. All of the OCs are my own, though... that's kind of why they're OCs...**

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><p>#1 Intro<p>

Right. So, there's The Legend of Zelda, and Ocarina of Time, and Twilight Princess - not to mention a whole bunch of others. They're all basically the same. Zelda finds a way to get herself into some trouble and I have to heroically step in, right? Okay, cool - we're on the same pace. And this all started with the very first Link, they guy from Skyward Sword, right?

_WRONG._

Yeah, thanks for taking the limelight, bud. To clarify, I am the very first Link that there ever was. Like, _ever_. You wanna know why they don't bother to mention my sorry ass? Well, that's precisely why - I'm a sorry ass.

I didn't do very much right, but I guess the Godesses had to choose _someone_ to save the world, huh? So, they were looking for someone who was daring and brave. Sure, I was daring and brave... that basically means "willing to do anything," right? They needed someone with the skills of a swordsman... well, I can wave a sword around. Kind of.

All in all, maybe I wasn't their best choice. But I guess it's their decision that they'll have to live with forever.

So, here it is: the REAL Legend of Zelda. The REAL start from square one. It's a tale of sheer dumb luck, stupidity, tidbits of humor sprinkled here and there, and a lot of everything going quite horribly wrong. And boy, is it a hell of a ride.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading, please review. This is just the intro, the actually chapters are coming up after this. If you like it, review and message. Spread word of my story. (Psst... bird is the word.)<strong>


	2. Faron Woods

**Hello, and welcome to chapter two/technically chapter 1! Please read, review, and enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: The LoZ franchise does not belong to me, however, the OCs do.**

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><p>#2 Faron Woods<p>

You guys have heard of Navi, right? TA DA! This is where she made her dazzling debut. Not.

Navi was created by the Godesses to act as a guide and turned out to be completely useless. She was the most annoying fairy, if not living thing, on the planet, and was destroyed at the end of our adventure for wasting perfectly good oxygen. The Great Deku Tree later requested her resurrection just to piss off a certain someone (take one guess who?) all in good fun. Poor guy. I just hope he didn't have to endure what I did.

Navi was to guide me to Faron Woods where I was to meet the Elder Kikwi, but before entering Faron Woods I was supposed to obtain a sword and shield. So, the Godesses could wake me up in the middle of the night to give me this information, but apparently they couldn't tell Navi. Thus was the result:

"Hey, listen! Listen! Hey! We have to go to Faron Woods!"

"Yeah, cool, but first I've gotta -"

"Hey! Hey, listen! You've got to meet the Elder Kikwi!"

"I _know,_ but I have to -"

"Hey, listen! LISTEN!"

To make matters worse, I couldn't seem to find a sword. Sure, there were shields helter skelter, but no one owned a damn sword? I had to settle for a pocket knife so I could head off to Faron Woods and get that stupid ball of light to shut the hell up.

Faron Woods inhabited many kikwis, but none of them were the Elder Kikwi. They also didn't seem to know where the Elder Kikwi _was._ A lot of them stared at me as if they didn't even understand what I was saying (not that I have full confidence that they did) and would just turn away. In a nutshell, they were all rather clueless. I was starting to get really frustrated after a while, but I was in luck. I eventually found a kikwi who understood English and happened to know where the Elder Kikwi was. I had run into my first obstacle (aside from Navi).

"I'll tell you where the Elder is if you beat me in a round of poker."

"What? Why?"

"You think I can play with any of these derps? Half of them are scared of their own shadow and the rest like to sit around and wonder what would happen if Pinochio were to say his nose would grow."

"I think he would combust."

Long story short, I am not the greatest at poker. Or even a little great. I ended up owing the guy 2,500 rupees and I hadn't even one to call my own. So I did what any sensible person would do in such a situation. Explain gently that I couldn't make the payment? Yeah, right. I knocked him out with a crowbar and booked it.

I did, fortunately, come across another somewhat competent kikwi who knew where the Elder was, as well. Unfortunately, he, too, was a little obstinate with freely handing me the information. My pent-up rage was beginning to burst only slightly when I stuck him in a head-lock (mind you, this was difficult; they're super chunky and have no neck) and threatened him with my knife. He kindly cooperated afterward. I was soon on my way and was quickly face-to-face with a deku baba, which _(most_ unfortunately) resulted in Navi screeching "LISTEN!" over and over again.

Eventually I cracked. "JESUS, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?"

"That's a deku baba. Use your sword to slash him."

"I CAN'T 'SLASH HIM' WITH THIS SHIT KNIFE. I DON'T _HAVE_ A SWORD, YOU PREVENTED ME FROM GETTING ONE!"

"Link, calm the hell down!"

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, YOU-"

I was interrupted by the Deku Baba, who decided it was rather alright to go ahead and headbutt me. "Hey, numbnuts. I'm waiting to fight you over here, I don't have all day."

"DON'T YOU TOUCH ME, YOU SON OF A-"

I was hit again.

"Okay, fine, bud. You want a fight? Well, you've got one, asshole," I seethed, trying to control my anger.

I then chucked my knife at the baba's head, missing horridly.

"Ha. Your aim is laughable. Almost as funny as your face."

I then ripped his off with my bare hands.

"Subtle," Navi commented dryly.

I marched off toward the Elder Kikwi, extremely pissed. So far, I was having a crap day. To make matters worse, the Elder Kikwi's shit-for-brains intelligence did nothing to cheer me up.

"Uh, hello?"

"Eh? Who is it?" The Elder Kikwi responded.

"Err, I'm Link. The Goddesses told me to come to you."

"Eh? The mogma mafia's discovered I lied about the extra five grand and you're an assassin sent to take me down? Well, I may be old, but I can kick your ass, young lady."

"No - what? That's not even _close_ to what I what I said! Put your fists down, grandpa. Is he senile?" he added to Navi.

"Only half-blind," the Elder responded instead. "The hearing comes and goes."

"Um, okay then. Well, the Goddesses told me to come talk to you. By the way, you shouldn't go picking fights with random people, seeing as you can't do much." After all, he was a large mass with a face.

"Oh, really?"

I got into a small fight with the Elder Kikwi. Let's not go into detail with that, but I totally owned him. **No, you didn't! **Hey, shut up, Zelda! **Tell them the truth, now!** Alright, fine. I got owned - he sat on me. You happy? **Yup. **Well, let's move on.

The senile old Kikwi was annoying as hell because he often mistook words for others, sometimes something completely different. He also often mistook "what" for "butt," which made conversation difficult.

The ground began to shake just as he was telling us a not-so-lovely story about his butt-mole, when Navi decided it was a great time to say, "Oh, my! What was that?"

"Ah, so your butt has that, too? You know, kid, you have a strange fetish for speaking of butts, I wonder about you..."

"I don't have a nasty ass-wart," I said through my teeth. "I didn't say that. And what _was_ that, anyway?"

"Wait, you _don't_? Err, yeah, me neither, I mean, that's gross, haha... So, what were you saying?"

"The ground. It just shook. You know, like, two seconds ago-"

Link was interrupted by Navi snickering.

"What?"

"Butt?" the Kikwi interjected excitedly.

"NO!" I turned back to Navi. "Can't you just shut the hell up for a minute? Why are you laughing?"

"Hahahaha, he's got a mole on his butt, that is some seriously nasty shit!" she laughed.

I rolled my eyes at her immaturity. "Ugh, whatever. Alright, forget the ground shaking, can you just tell me why the Goddesses sent me here?"

"Oh, you could've just asked me from the start."

Grinding my teeth together, I answered, "Believe me, _I tried_."

"I don't recall-"

"Just tell me, damn it!"

"You're the Legendary Hero! You're supposed to save the world!" he then proceded to perform jazz-hands.

I face-palmed, but mostly because of his fail at dance. "Yes, and?"

"They also told me to tell you to go to the Woodland Temple. They said there you will find the Earth Gem. After that, you are to return home."

"This is so stupid - why can't they tell me all this crap themselves?"

"Because they are lazy shits and like to get people to do things for them," the Kikwi replied before being struck by lightning. On a sunny, cloudless day. Purely coincidental.

"Actually, I am the only being alive who knows where the Woodland Temple is," the Elder Kikwi said once he miraculously and rapidly recovered multiple third-degree burns.

"_Why_ do I need to retrieve the Earth Gem?"

"I don't know, kid! Now, do you want directions to this temple, or not?"

"Alright, alright, don't get your thong in a twist," I muttered.

"The entrance to Woodland Temple is right underneath my arse. And it's a _g-string_."

"_Excuse me_?"

"Yeah, they had this _great_ sale at _Victoria's Secret _-"

"Not your stupid panties, shit-for-brains! I mean the temple! Why is it under you?"

"Oh, that. I am sitting on the entrance to shield it from any evil or monsters befouling it and _blah, blah, blah_... you know the drill, you're a hero."

"Uh, no, I don't."

"Welp, good luck then. See you later, I hope!" The Elder Kikwi then rolled onto his side, which caused the earth to shake. I wondered whether the last minor earth-quake had something to do with an oversized kikwi, as well.

"Wait - what do you mean, 'I hope'?"

"You know, if you don't get yourself killed or something," he replied casually, rolling around and trying to lift himself upright again.

"I thought the reason you sat on this place was to guard it from danger!" I exclaimed.

"Hey, my ass doesn't have an air-tight seal, things slip through!"

I shook my head and huffed angrily as I climbed down the ladder within the somewhat large, round hole. "If I'm hurt in any way, your ass is_ mine_..." I said under my breath.

"Err, a little help, here?" the Elder Kikwi called from up above.

"Yeah - _no way_."

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed, and please review. Spread word of my story. I'll probably be posting chapter three on Sunday or Monday.<strong>


	3. Hooray For Fillers!

*****VERY IMPORTANT AUTHORS' NOTE*****

**We are perhaps the worst fanfic authors alive. Not only did we make you wait for 3-4 months (we can't exactly remember) for an update, but this isn't even a new chapter. It's the revised version of the previous one (which has now been replaced by this - for new readers, it's basically a filler which provides answers to some of your possible questions, such as why the Goddesses approached Link and what exactly is going on). Diety basically fixed-up some spelling and grammatical errors which went unnoticed last time, and most importantly, Nayru's description of a concieted, blonde airhead has been switched to that of an innocently daft, oblivious bimbo. To those who enjoyed Nayru just the way she was, we apologize. :( The switch was necessary for later chapters, as we've recently tweaked the plotline here and there.**

**We know. -_- You hate us dearly. And we are so terribly sorry for the awfully extended wait (which was, ultimately, for basically nothing). So, enjoy the very same chapter you read before, we guess... ? Or just scroll down to when Nayru comes in to speculate her new personality.**

**Disclaimer: _LoZ_ isn't ours. Nor is the mentioned _Mortal Kombat_. OCs, however, are.**

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><p>#3 Hooray For Fillers! (AKA The Reason It All Started)<p>

I suppose at this point, you're a little confused as to what exactly is going on. _Why did the Goddesses contact to Link_? _What exactly did they say to him_? _When was Navi thrust into the picture_? _Why did the Elder Kikwi buy lingerie at Victoria's Secret instead of La Senza_?

To clarify it all before we carry on with current events, before this little adventure, I lived in a run-down and very ghetto village which didn't exactly have a name. I think it was because the first mayor was bound and gagged before he could declare it. At any rate, it was the Nameless Village and it sucked major ass, to be put bluntly. Everyone slept with a knife under their pillow and had their wallet duct-taped to their legs. Gangs littered the streets and there was an ongoing battle down every alley that looked something straight out of the earliest _Mortal Kombat_. Your life flashed before your eyes when you realized that you'd have to risk it and step out for more milk.

So, there I was one typical night, half-asleep on my couch with a bottle in hand, prepared to smash it into the noggin of next person to jump me in my own home, when I awoke from a banging at the front door. This confused me - burglars aren't often quite so polite and usually follow their own form of etiquette by courteously letting themselves in. Except this burglar sounded very high-pitched and whiney, like an annoyingly persistent fairy guide with a fetish for the word "listen."

"WHAT THE HELL, KID, ARE YOU GONNA LET ME IN OR NOT? THERE'S A BUNCH OF GUYS WITH HANDLEBAR MOUSTACHES OUT HERE WHO KEEP EYEING MY PURSE!"

The door was shortly after blasted off its hinges. I leapt up from the couch in a fury.

"HEY, WHAT THE HELL? Do you know how many unwanted visitors I'm going to get freely strolling in from that?"

Once the dust cleared a little, I was shocked to see a ball of blue light with protruding wings floating within it. She coughed a few times and waved her hand dismissively before replying, "Oh, get over it, it can be fixed."

Two raging emotions were conflicting - surprise from seeing a fairy inside my house and anxiety at my door's obvious open invitation to the horrid and awaiting public.

The fairy rummaged in her bag before pulling out a file and flipped through the pages before halting abruptly. "Ah, let's see… Fernando?"

I blinked. "No."

"What?"

"No, I'm Link."

"You sure?"

"You know, now that I think about it - _yes_, I'm sure! What the hell kind of question is that?"

The fairy scanned the page again. "Wait, never mind, that'll be the fairy god-kid." I raised an eyebrow and she shrugged, saying, "Hey, I've got a lot of side-jobs!"

"Err, alright, then. So, not to be rude or anything, but… get out?"

She shook her head briskly. "Fat chance, buddy. As of now, you and I are together every day, every hour. Except when Fernando calls if the evil step-mom's being a bitch or something; inflicts too many chores or whatever."

"She makes him clean?"

"Fernando's a girl."

"Oh," I deadpanned. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too," the fairy sighed. "Well, I ought to introduce myself. I'm Navi the Fairy and I will be your guide to eternal glory as you save the world from utter destruction! Now, step one is for you to meet the Goddesses so they can explain it all to you -"

"Wait - _what_ did you say?" I exclaimed.

Before Navi could respond, her bracelet beeped and she lifted it to her face as though she were checking the time. "Oh, gotta run - she's been subjected to a spanking." She then disappeared with a "pop" without further ado.

I had barely any time to process what had just happened, for shortly afterward there was a loud shout from next door and suddenly, in the fairy's place, a tall, slender woman wearing a white, flowing gown with platinum blonde hair which literally emitted light appeared on the couch, looking slightly frazzled. Alongside her were three other women all sprawled in different regions of the living room - the red-haired one was slumped in the armchair as though she'd been unceremoniously dumped there, the blue-haired one was facedown on the coffee table, and the green-haired one was sitting cross-legged on the floor next to the busted door, apparently the only one to be unfazed.

"God, Hylia, what the hell was _that_?" the redhead snapped, righting herself and rearranging her hair. She continued to mutter, "Some Goddess _you_ are… can barely teleport us into the right house…"

"Yes, remind me to burn my eyes promptly once we're done here," the green one added coolly, standing up and dusting herself off. "Poor bloke - passed right out from the shock of such an unexpected intrusion during a nice bath."

The blue one hadn't made a move yet - she'd taken to continue laying on the table.

The green one sighed, prodding Blue's head gently with her fingertip. "It's alright, Nayru, you can get up now. I promise that there are no wrinkly, naked men in this residence." She look up and searched the area with her eyes. "Well, as far as I know…"

I managed to find my voice as my temper began to flare. "I can assure you that there are no naked seniors in my house, thanks a lot!" I retorted. "And I'm pretty sure that an explanation is in order! First, a screechy ball of light strips the front door like paint, and now you're all in my house - !"

My elderly and very much naked neighbour then proceeding to run in through the open entrance and scream at me. "Link, you won't believe what just happened! And I'm not lying this time, I swear!"

"HE'S BACK!" the blue girl shrilled loudly, letting her face fall into her palms and she proceeded to scream like toddler.

"Oh my God!" the shiny blonde one cried, facepalming of epic proportions. In an instant the wrinkly prune had vanished into thin air.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MR. JENKINS?" I bellowed.

The blonde rolled her eyes. "Chill, he'll be back soon."

"Right, so _how_ soon?"

She shrugged. "I dunno, three years?"

I stared at her incredulously, gaping. "_Three years_? Tell me you're shitting me."

The red one shook her head and then stood. "She's as serious as Joker would never be. See, Hylia here hasn't really gotten the hang of her powers. Ever. She is perhaps the worst Goddess to call on in an emergency. She can only make matters worse."

The blonde fumed, her hands balling up into little fists. "That isn't true! I _can so _be of some help! I fixed that backed-up toilet, didn't I?"

"Sure, and now we've got a swimming pool," Red rolled her eyes.

"You said you've always wanted one - !"

"Alright, enough!" Green huffed, crossing her arms. "We're here to see Link, you guys know this is a very urgent mission!" She then turned to the blonde. "Hylia, since you're the one who prepared for all of this and saw the issue to begin with,_ talk_."

The blonde - Hylia - turned to me and inhaled slowly before beginning.

"So, err, Link - right?"

I nodded.

She exhaled with relief. "Oh, good. Just making sure I didn't screw anything else up. I suppose introductions are in order. Link, I am the Goddess Hylia who watches over and preserves this land and the beings who thrive on it. These Goddesses here are Din, Nayru, and Farore," she gestured toward Red, Blue, and Green, respectively, "and I'm sure you've heard of them already."

Of course I already knew of the Golden Goddesses of Legend - everybody did. Din was the Goddess of Fire and Power, Nayru the Goddess of Water and Wisdom, and Farore was the Goddess of Earth and Courage. Together, the trio created the land. I was a little floored as it sunk in that the three deities were actually standing under my roof.

"Err, sorry, but I don't really know-"

"About me?" Hylia interjected. "Yeah, not many usually do. I'm in more of those really old folktales that aren't often told around the campfire."

"Probably 'cause she's an embarrassment," Din mumbled to herself.

"I can hear you, you crotchety bitch!" Hylia snapped. "Anyway," she carried on, "we're here under dire circumstances."

"Like what?" I asked hesitantly.

"You are," she paused briefly for dramatic affect, "the Chosen Hero."

I blinked again, not sure if I should laugh or not. "Excuse me - _what_? What 'Chosen Hero'?"

She nodded solemnly, though her expression was clearly irate. It was evident that she was annoyed that I wasn't taking her seriously.

"The world around you is shrouded with turmoil. Evil has crawled out from the darkness and has defiled the earth. It is your duty to this land and the people that you slay these monsters and creatures of wickedness so the world may be restored to an era of light. O, Chosen One, you have been selected out of an impossible many to perform the task and carry this burden - it is carved in your destiny."

I waited a moment before responding. "That was very nice, did you write that yourself?"

The Goddess glowered. "Link, this is no time for horseshit," she growled. "I'm completely serious. The world is spiralling faster and faster into a deep pit of despair, and we -"

"_Ahem_," Din cut in with a frown, "not 'we' - '_you_.' "

"And_ I _have seen to it that it will be cleansed once again," Hylia corrected hastily. "You have been chosen to pass a series of trials so the earth can be rid of evil - _for good_."

"But why _me_?" I whined. "I have a 3 o'clock at the dentist's tomorrow!"

"Link!" she reprimanded. "Saving the world is way more important than a root canal or whatever! I chose you because you seemed the most capable of the job!"

"How the hell can _I_ save the world?" I snapped. "I can barely toast bread!"

"You seem to do an unfathomably excellent job of saving your own ass every night from intruders for someone who can 'barely toast bread,' " she sniffed disdainfully.

"Sure. Break lamps over some skulls and you're a hero," I mumbled darkly.

Hylia's eyes narrowed dangerously and she crossed her arms. "Link, everything has been strategically prepared in the most delicate manner for this. You _will_ save the world, whether you like it or not, I _will_ see to this. We can settle this the easy way or the hard way."

I sighed heavily and considered it. Sure, there was a good chance that I was dead as soon as I was out the door, but what if I wasn't? I hadn't ever actually left the village for fear of the residents, but what if I could successfully get out of here? That was definitely a plus, even if I didn't have a choice about getting involved with this 'hero' business.

"Alright, alright, I'll give in," I replied. "Just out of curiosity, what is the hard way?"

"It involves your lower region and hot sauce."

I cringed.

"Are we done here?" Nayru piped up. I noticed that her voice was very high-pitched, but she spoke somewhat slowly and rather softly, as though it was difficult for her to process the current events, and her expression was always a little bit confused. "I'm sure I left the stove on high and Mr. Snuffles doesn't enjoy it when his bath's too hot. He may be a little overheated, considering I put the lid over the pot so the water wouldn't cool." She then punctuated her sentence with a small hiccup and a glazed expression thrown my way.

"Good Lord, I can _feel_ my brain cells decaying as I stand next to you…" Din muttered.

"Yes, I think we're no longer needed here, Hylia," Farore said decidedly. "The three of us will be on our way."

"Why did you even come here?" I asked. "You didn't even _do_ anything. You just sat around and listened."

Farore shrugged as she directed Nayru away from her dangerous proximity of the fireplace. "Moral support? I don't know, we Goddesses sort of just tag along with each other."

"Alright, no more explanations, Hylia can clearly handle the rest herself - _there's_ a first," said Din. "Let's get Airhead over here to her now-surely-dead rabbit and me into a nice bubble-bath."

"Mr. Snuffles is - ?"

In a flash of light they had all disappeared but the blonde. Hylia turned to Link and carried on with their previous conversation.

"So, you've agreed to accept your fate, then. Excellent."

"Yeah, by force."

"I don't need hot sauce to cause you unyielding pain."

"Oh, joy! I'm risking my arse to save the planet! Whatever could possibly go wrong?"

She smiled. "Better. There's the attitude I want to see. Now, your first task is to travel to Faron Woods, where you must find the Elder Kikwi. He will then explain what you are to do and you will proceed from there. Before venturing into the woodland, though, you must obtain a sword and a shield to battle your way past fiends."

"Okay, cool." I processed this further. "… So, where can I get a sword and shield, and where exactly is Faron Woods?"

The Goddess blinked. "What? How do you not know where Faron Woods is? It's the only forest around here for miles!"

"I don't leave the house much, thank you. I hardly know what it looks like down the block."

Hylia facepalmed. She seemed to be reconsidering her decision to pin me as hero.

"Look, Link, you're going to have to leave eventually to get to Faron Woods, and preferably it'd be now. So pack up essentials and get going - it can't be that difficult to spot a bunch of trees. Assuming you know what that is."

I glowered and mumbled something about where I'd like to stick a tree right now.

"I've got to go, there's tons to do with this hero business," Hylia concluded. "Remember - Faron Woods, Elder Kikwi. Ask for directions if you can't get around, I dunno. Just get to those woods." Without a moment to spare, Hylia was gone in an instantaneous flash as well.

As if choreographed, with a "pop," Navi had reappeared. Her hair was sort of bedraggled as though she'd been in a violent scuffle.

"Jesus, that was way too strenuous. Talk about a rumpus," she was muttering. "Stupid brat."

This confused me. "I thought Fernando had been spanked?"

Navi laughed. "Oh, God, no. _That child_ be spanked? It's positively undoable. She's a complete maniac. It was the step-mom I had to swoop in and save."

"Wait - I - _What_? I thought…"

"Yeah, I'm Fernando's fairy godmother, but I'm there because I need to keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn't do anything too drastic, like set her brother on fire or blow-up the house. She's deranged. You should've seen what she did to her Great Aunt Millie - no, wait, you shouldn't have. You'd never look at sheep the same way again…"

I didn't want to ask. "Err, so the Goddesses just left."

"Did they? That's good. So, you're up-to-date, then? Got the scoop?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Wonderful. Off to Faron Woods."

"Well, first I need to -"

"Hey, are you listening? I said we're off! Don't just stand there!"

I was immediately frustrated beyond description. "I _know_, but I was _told to_ -"

"Go to Faron Woods."

I ground my teeth, surprised that they hadn't been reduced to dust.

"Hey, listen, you can't be a hero by just sitting in your living room."

"I understand this, but I have to - !"

"Hey, listen! Are you listening to me? Listen!"

I wasn't listening, though. I'd been rendered incapable - my ears were bleeding profusely. And thus began my journey to Faron Woods, where I meet a very unhelpful and senile kikwi. I suppose I could tell you about the next half-hour where I run about like a moron trying to find myself a sword and being landed with a measly pocket knife, Navi shrieking the whole way, but that really doesn't do much for the storyline and those are memories I'd rather not delve into. Ever.

Without further ado, let's get back to the current events.


End file.
